


my heart is a lonely hunter

by sure sure (getoffmysheets)



Series: Red in Tooth and Claw [14]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Needs Love, Daemon Feels, Daemon Touching, Daemons, Idiots in Love, Lonely Steve Harrington, M/M, Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Virgin Billy Hargrove
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:21:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getoffmysheets/pseuds/sure%20sure
Summary: It's snowing, and Billy is beautiful, and it's heartbreaking. Steve doesn't know what to do with himself, it takes his breath away.So he does the only thing he really wants to do: he kisses him.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: Red in Tooth and Claw [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1508453
Comments: 9
Kudos: 96





	my heart is a lonely hunter

**Author's Note:**

> i promise, we WILL get to the romance, but i also promised you guys an explanation for why Steve and Artemis are Like That, so here it is!

Billy is somewhat at a loss about what to do next, what the next step in this process is. Part of the problem, he knows, is that they’ve sort of done all of this ass-backwards. He knows what Steve’s fucking soul feels like, has held Artemis in his arms and felt the tide of love that he possesses but they haven’t done anything as basic as kissing – or if you’re a real nerd,  _ holding hands _ .

And he would give a  _ leg _ to hold hands, he thinks gloomy. 

So. Now they’re just kind of…stuck. In this weird in-between place that is almost like casual acquaintances and at the same time, as intimate as only the dearest of friends could be. 

It’s awkward as hell sometimes and painful - so close to what he longs for but not close enough to take any comfort or satisfaction in it. In some ways it’s even more tortuous than being in school with Steve all day and strutting around in the hopes that he might admire him or at the very least  _ envy _ him, even if a straight boy couldn’t love him in the way Billy loves him. 

His looks, his car, his body, his dominance on the court - Billy knew he was head of the pack in all of them. 

Now Billy knows that he is much more than admired, but not for any of the things he believed made him admirable - and it’s the thing that makes him most insecure. 

Billy is accustomed to being desired or envied, but not loved. Hell, Billy relishes being desired or envied. The problem there is that daemons are the soul. They are creatures of memory, thought, and emotion. Artemis can tell Billy that he is not envied, but loved, because love resides in her.

But desire only resides in the body. With _Steve_.

He can’t know if Steve also desires him in the same way until they break through this last awkward barrier. The thought that Steve might want to reach out and touch him makes Billy want to vibrate out of his skin. Even worse, that he might  _ not _ \- that he loves Billy, even romantically, but cannot bring himself to physically connect with him.

The idea is almost unbearable, because he understands now that even if he feels no sexual attraction to Billy, Steve will still be just as completely devoted and faithful. Anyone else might find the idea comforting, but it made Billy sick to his stomach. He would feel like he’d found a way to trap Steve into an unwitting lifetime of celibacy - and trapped himself in the same. 

Nobody knew it, but Billy had already died a virgin once. It seemed so unfair that the universe might make him do it twice. 

\--- 

Steve freezes at the sound of Joyce’s voice calling down the hallway as the three of them start putting their coats on and getting ready to leave. Thanksgiving with the Hopper-Byers household was a non-optional exercise, especially since Jonathan had finally worked Lily up to walking with her own two legs (though he didn’t dare leave her to do it without letting her hang onto him).

By the time Steve realizes that it’s approaching midnight, he’s so full of pumpkin and dutch apple pie that he can barely move and has to hand the keys to the BMW over to Billy. Max practically has to be dragged away from Will and Jonathan’s room, where she was holding her title of supreme tyrant over a game of Monopoly - a fact which was cause for the boys to complain bitterly, but led Hopper to blithely tell them to manage their finances better. 

And now - “Billy, honey, I think it might be time for a haircut.”

It’s a simple sentence, not at all hard to understand and stated with the most innocent of intentions. 

But Steve feels something he can’t identify twist in his stomach and it’s a feeling he doesn’t like-

Artemis whines loudly, projecting out his distress and Steve hushes her softly, holding her head against his stomach both to comfort himself and to silence her.

He can see Hopper giving him some Looks from the corner as Joyce reaches out and touches the bright golden ends of Billy’s hair and he- “You’re gettin’ some split ends there, sweetheart,” she says gently. “Especially now that you’ve got a job. I know they probably don’t mind at the bar, but-”

Artemis growls, the fur along her back bristling, and the sound makes several of the children startle and look over at them. They’ve never heard her make that sound unless there’s danger. At least she hasn’t started doing that stiff-legged stance that means something’s about to have its face ripped off.

“Hey,” Steve says, surprised. “What was that for? Shhh.” 

From the corner of his eye, he can see Billy giving him a strange look and flushes with embarrassment at Artie’s uncharacteristic display of temper - and for no good reason! Just because Mrs. Byers-

_ Touched him _ , Steve thinks, stomach twisting again, and whatever terrible emotion he’s having makes Artie show her teeth (silently, this time, thank god!). Touched his hair. And there’s no reason for Steve to think that Joyce has any romantic interest in Billy at all - and he  _ knows _ that Billy wouldn’t have any in her - but the idea of her touching him again-

Steve-Steve  _ does not _ like that  _ at all _ .  _ No, don’t touch him, you can’t touch him, he’s not yours, he’s- _

He doesn’t know why he feels this way - Max and El both touch Billy all the time. But this is different, somehow. Billy  _ loves _ his hair, he’s always taken such good care of it. Letting someone else cut it is much more intimate and purposeful than teaching the girls how to drive the Camaro, and as silly as he knows it is, Steve feels betrayed by the mere idea. But he also has no right to be such a possessive dick about it. They are not a couple, no matter what his own feelings are. Knowing that Billy likes boys does not mean that Billy likes  _ him _ . Robin has given him practice with being friends - and only friends - with someone he’s attracted to. It’s time he started  _ using _ the experience, damn it.

“That’s alright, Joyce,” Billy says, with a smile that makes mothers melt the world over. “I’ll just trim it up myself. I’ve done it before.”

“I can do it,” Steve offers.  _ Or forget using the experience at all and just pant after Billy like a bitch in heat, proving every ‘Harrington is a bitch’ joke to be fully accurate, instead _ .

As if to double down on that, Artie licks at the studs in Freyja’s ears - a habit she began after they brought Max home. At first, Steve hadn’t understood why she did it - thought maybe it was because he wanted Billy to feel...at home, he supposed. Now, he doesn’t want to draw more attention to it, so he can’t tell her to stop.

“Oh..kay,” Billy says slowly.

Steve flings himself down the porch stairs, before he can do something else to embarrass himself. Artemis has no choice but to follow him as he walks out toward the stand of trees. 

He needs to take a walk.

\--- 

As he waits for Maxine to finish slaughtering her corporate enemies, Billy hears Hopper talking to Joyce, just inside their bedroom. “...he didn’t mean to threaten me, Hop,” she murmurs, “You know he didn’t. You saw his face.” 

“I saw this back in New York City all the time,” he says with a loud sigh. “This is what happens when you’ve got parents who just can’t be fucking bothered. Now she’s snarling at people he likes and sees everyday. If she attacks someone unprovoked, I’ll have to send them up to the state correctional facility-”

There’s the sound of another woman’s voice, rougher than Joyce’s, one he’s never heard before.  _ It must be Andy _ , Billy realizes. Hopper’s Chesapeake Bay retriever daemon. “She could end up killing someone, Joyce. She’s more than big enough to do serious damage to most other daemons - she could’ve killed  _ you _ , if she’d gotten a hold of Sindri fast enough. At least the Hargrove kid has that cougar - even Artemis would have a hard time killing her off, and if Artemis goes all the way feral on us, maybe Valfreyja can stop her from making themselves into murderers.”

“They can control themselves,” Joyce argues quietly, “He obviously realized that what she did was inappropriate, and he hasn’t done anything like this before. I’m more worried about the way he’s having such huge mood swings, Hop - did you see that? He went from pissed off at me to being nice with Billy in less than thirty seconds. Can’t you talk to Tim or Mandy?”

“Tim and Mandy are the reason he’s ended up here,” Hopper grunts. “They haven’t had the time of fucking day for that kid in eighteen years, I doubt they’ll change their minds now. Anyway, it’s too late - he’s an adult now. We just have to hope that she’s been a better parent than they have.”

“Hop,” another man mutters, deep-voiced and soft. Must be Joyce’s sifaka daemon. “...Billy has been listening.”

_ Shit _ .

To his own surprise, he actually  _ does _ like the Hawkins Chief of Police, but Billy doesn’t find it easy to shake off his innate distrust of authority figures, so Billy meets Hopper’s gaze with a hard unflinching stare.

Joyce also pops her head out. She’s obviously distressed that Billy heard their discussion about Steve. “Honey...I don’t think that Steve could really…”

“What did you mean…” he interrupts. “You said you’re hoping that ‘she’ was a better parent than Steve’s parents. What do you mean?”

Joyce glanced at Hop. It’s no surprise to her that Billy is concerned. In his second life, Billy seems to have become attached to Steve Harrington. After rescuing his sister from the hellscape of their own home life, it’s only natural that he is also concerned with the way that Steve’s parents treat him. 

“Sometimes,” she says delicately. “Parents don't notice what their children are learning, Billy. Even when they learn bad habits...”

Hopper scoffs. “Don’t bullshit him, Joyce. The kid’s not gonna buy it, not anymore than your own boy would.” 

She huffs. “Alright, fine,” she says, but keeps her tone gentle as she speaks to Billy. “Sometimes, Billy, when a child is young, they’re left by themselves. A lot. Their parents are dead or absent or working or just. Don’t want to spend time with them, and it forces that child to be by themselves too much.”

“That’s neglect,” Billy says, with a bad taste in his mouth. 

“Yeah, honey, it is,” Joyce agrees softly. “But children - even kids like mine, who were very happy with some time to themselves - children aren’t meant to be alone, especially for long periods of time.”

“When a parent abandons their kid, and that kid doesn’t have any consistent adult guidance, it isn’t good for them,” Hopper says shortly, ignoring Joyce’s annoyed look at his impatience. “And if it goes on long enough, when they grow up, that kid’s daemon isn’t quite right.” 

_ My little huntress. _

“Artemis?” Billy whispers. Freyja presses her face in along his hip. “Nothing’s wrong with Artemis.”

“Not...yet. That we know of,” Joyce says, slowly. She looks to Hopper for some assistance. “But I think, because Tim and Mandy didn’t keep a very close eye on Steve when he was a little boy, something happened in his brain when he was very young, Billy.”

“Steve knows that Tim and Mandy are his own parents,” Hopper says, scratching at his stubble. “But when he was little, they were never around, and he needed to understand the world around him. So he turned to the only one who was left to help him.” 

“Artemis,” Billy repeats.

“Yes,” Joyce says quietly. “Children aren’t meant to raise themselves, Billy. But because Steve couldn’t find anyone to pay attention to him, over time Artemis became the figure he looked to when he needed comfort, love, answers to his questions. Made her-made her almost like his mother, in a way. She grew ahead of him, instead of beside him, the way a daemon is supposed to. But that isn't what Hop is worried about.”

“A child who only learns right from wrong from themselves is going to learn the lesson that whatever they do is right,” Hopper says bluntly. “Whatever first impulse they have, it’s theirs for the taking. If they keep this up, she’s going to tip over into feral, and then I’ll have to get the state involved. Hawkins is equipped to deal with speeding tickets and noisy kids, not psychological breakdowns.”

“What about psychic alien invasions?” Billy asks wryly, then shakes his head. “You’re wrong about Artemis. They know the difference between right and wrong, and they know it better than most people.”

With no further explanation, Billy stomps outside after Steve, though he doesn’t know where the hell he’s gotten to. Gone to get himself eaten by one of Lily’s flower-mouthed monstrosities, knowing this fucking town. He does not see Hopper and Joyce giving each other A Look as he makes his way out.

“Artemis isn’t feral. Steve doesn’t understand...Steve,” Freyja says softly. “Artemis has to  _ explain _ his emotions to him, Billy.”

He nods absently. “We know this already.”

“So…” she suggests. “Maybe she had a reaction to an emotion that he doesn’t know he has yet.”

“Why would he get emotional about somebody else’s haircut?” Billy asks aloud, kicking rocks through the yard.

Freyja doesn’t answer - unlike Steve, she knows that Billy will not appreciate her leading him into an answer. 

“He doesn’t want me to get a haircut?” He makes a face at that. “But then he turned around and offered to do it himself.” 

“So, he doesn’t want  _ Mrs. Byers _ to give you a haircut,” Freyja concludes. 

Billy pauses to consider that and his mind stumbles at the memory of Steve’s dark eyes, hardening as Joyce reached out to pluck at the admittedly ragged looking ends he’s started to acquire. 

“Oh.” 

Artie had begun licking at Freyja’s ears, the way she often did. They’d assumed it to be a sign of their concern for them, but in light of that hardness in Steve’s eyes it seemed almost...possessive. Like they couldn’t stand someone else even touching them.  _ Claiming _ .

Billy can barely breathe, barely wants to let himself hope. But he does. He has hope, and it leaves him shivery with it as he stands there in the light covering of snow on the Byers’ lawn. 

“Why are you standing out here in the snow?” Artie asks with studious lightness. Steve’s eyes are still on the trees.

Freyja turns, takes their cue and speaks for him. “We wanted a walk. Still waiting for Maxine to finish her game.” 

Billy practically quivers as Steve and Artemis come closer, until he’s actually standing in Billy’s personal space. Freyja can no longer contain herself and rolls to the ground, purring and showing off her belly to Artemis and he feels his cheeks heat, especially when the Aussie stands directly over her and begins licking at her muzzle, her neck. An imitation of kissing, if there ever was one. 

It’s not polite, but he’s staring. Wondering if that’s what Steve wants to do to him. Lay him on the ground and..

Steve inhales, as if to say something-

“Why are you standing outside in the dark?” Maxine calls from the front porch. She pauses and takes a second to let Pal jump into her arms. They are true Californians and Pallas doesn’t like being forced to walk through the snow, even for the short trip between the house and the car. 

Billy tamps down the urge to scream at her, something he wouldn’t even have been capable of controlling last year. He realizes that he and Steve’s legs are blocking their daemons from view. Even if Max did have any inkling that something was going on between them, she wouldn’t be able to tell that she’s stumbled over a potentially intimate moment. They aren’t even touching each other. 

“Just walking off all the pie,” Steve says, turning to her with a smile. Billy hates that smile. Loves that smile. Loves  _ him _ . 

Christ, how could this get any more painful?

\--- 

“Sledding? Are you bullshitting me?” Billy says doubtfully, then looks out the window into the eerie blackness that accompanies a winter’s night in a small town. There weren’t even any stars out - clouds had blocked out the meager winter sun all day long. “You little idiots want to go sledding after ten o’clock at night? I know it’s a Friday night, but it’s fucking cold and there isn’t gonna be any other kids out there for you guys to play with, Max. And Pal is gonna  _ hate _ it, unless you wanna spend all night carrying him around.” 

Billy’s been on the grumpier side ever since he let Steve give him that trim - maybe he knew what Steve had been thinking that night. He’s tried extra from that night on to give him lots of space and not...cling, but Steve’s natural state is clinginess and he’s afraid he hasn’t been very good at keeping his distance, because Billy’s only gotten crabbier. 

Steve is beginning to feel like he’s fucked up all his chances before he’s even managed to ask Billy out, and Artie’s listlessness around the house has probably given him away. 

“Mike has these things for Themis where he can put her in a pouch that goes on like a backpack and he told me I could borrow one.” She snorts. “He just doesn’t want to admit that he got it for Brigantia, assuming that she would be small enough for El to carry when she settled.”

Steve hides a half-smile and half-grimace. That isn’t entirely Mike’s fault - daemons small enough to hold or carry are considered more ‘feminine’, but he’s not about to mention that in front of Max. She’d be  _ so _ offended.

“No other kids out there is why it’s fun, Billy,” Steve informs him with a small smile. “They don’t have to wait for anyone else to have their turn. But he’s right, Max - it’s gonna be really, really cold.”

“We’ll all be running around the whole time,” she says, pleading now as she senses the two of them are close to caving. “ _ Please _ \- Lucas and Erica are going to see their grandma in Atlanta during most of Christmas break, we won’t get to play with them at all!”

Billy scoffs and clicks his tongue at her impatiently. “Fine. But I don’t wanna hear you whine that you’re cold, Maxine - you said you wanted to sleep over with the Byers and Jonathan ain’t gonna leave early and spoil Will and El’s fun just because you don’t wanna stand in the snow anymore.” 

Brightening immediately now that she’s gotten her way, Max says “I want Steve to take me.”

Her tone is far too innocent to be anything but trouble. Still, Steve humors her. “Okay.”

Flatly, Billy says “No,” and puts on his coat. “Don’t bother Steve with this shit, Maxine - you’re my responsibility, not his.” 

Max pouts. “But Dustin told me Nancy was picking Robin, too.”

“I really don’t mind,” Steve says gently with another smile, futilely hoping that maybe some of his broken-down charm may actually come back to life and work their magic on Billy. Sure enough, his expression deepens into a scowl. Still broken, then. Noted.

“She needs to learn not to go begging you for every little thing.” The scowl grew fiercer yet, and Steve tried hard not to find it endearing. “Especially when they’re things I’ve already said  _ no _ to, Maxine.” 

Max protests, looking a little panicked, “I just thought Steve would want to hang out with Robin! I didn’t think you wanted to drive me around on your night off.” 

“We can both go,” Steve suggests.

Billy’s eyes drift to Artie, whose tail wags happily with their good mood. “Well,” he says reluctantly. “I guess that’s alright.”

Maybe Billy’s taken a shine to Artemis? Steve knows that she looks really sweet. Fluffy and harmless - like him, he supposes. Well, he can work with that. 

As they all walk out the front door, Artie brushes herself along Billy’s legs - they’re covered by his jeans, of course, but it’s so very near to letting him touch her, such an utterly shameless flirtation, that both Billy and Steve stumble slightly going down the steps. 

Steve keeps right on walking toward the car and hopes like hell that Billy doesn’t ask him to explain why the fuck Steve might be trying to get into his pants.

_ I’m doomed _ .

Billy’s drives them over to the middle school, where the best sledding hills in town are and sure enough, in the school parking lot is the Toyota Hopper helped Jonathan acquire from the junkyard and fix up as some weird step-father bonding ritual, and the now-familiar sight of the Ford Taurus that Mike was given for his birthday a year too early and ended up becoming Nancy’s temporary vehicle. 

Both boys are surprised when they see Dustin standing in the middle of the kids gathered there, holding a present wrapped in shiny red paper. Max, on the other hand, looks very pleased with herself.

“It’s a bit early for Christmas,” Steve comments.

Eleven beams at him. “Birthday.” 

He looks puzzled. “It’s your birthday? Max didn’t tell us this was your birthday party!”

Robin laughs at him lightly. “No, dingus. It’s  _ your _ birthday.”

Steve furrows his brow. “No way! That’s-”

Artemis turns and looks at him. Nods.  _ Yes _ , that is really today.

“-totally today, I guess.”


End file.
